Tuesday, June 29, 2010
This was what one of my lecturers wrote at the back of my test paper. This pretty much sums up my results and my effort. Please take note that he spelled "disappointed" incorrectly. hahahaI have no complains about this. This just shows the amount of effort I gave and this is what i deserved. This is a bloody wake up call but I am not somebody who is going to "emo" over academic results.
I am not somebody who hammers the calculator to look out for calculation mistakes and I am not somebody who is going to contest the lecturer's decision to not award me any marks for any reasons. Afterall, I probably have no reason to do so.
"You better buck up Frederick." I can only say, yes i will if this is something i could do and i am interested in. However, sorry no. Lecturers simply do not understand. If you are not interested in soccer at all, you are just going to tell me "what's so interesting looking at 22 men chasing a ball?" It's just like i am going to tell you "Who the fuck studies about walls, ceilings and whatever? Certainly not me!"
They don't understand I cannot visualise diagrams and they don't understand I simply can't draw. This is simply not my forte and in fact, it is my weakness. I don't blame lecturers for scolding bad students like me and i fully comprehend their good intentions.
At the end of the day, it just comes down to myself. I am not one who thinks that with no education, you are deadmeat. Most importantly, I know that I am not stupid and to me, that's comforting enough.
Labels: self consolation or bullshit?
4:16 AM
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
It's been a long time since i felt so geniunely happy. :)
I have decided to take a break from the World Cup. I shall watch it for the sake of fun. I am starting to get sick of it and my body is telling me that I should stop it.
Many a times, humans just simply cannot understand each other and because of that "fuck care" is a great virtue.
2:18 AM
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Picture Of The Day!
Alright, what a great way to celebrate WATER WEEK @ Orchard Road.Joke Of The Day!
In math class.
Teacher: Billy, if there are 5 birds on the tree and i shoot 1. How many are there left?"
Billy: "None because the rest will fly away."
Teacher: " Answer is 4, but i like they way u think."
Billy then asks the Teacher: " There are 3 women eating ice cream cones, 1 licking, 1 sucking and 1 biting. Which 1 is married?"
Teacher answers nervously: " The 1 sucking?"
Billy: " Answer is the 1 with the wedding ring but I like the way u think!"
Video Of The Day!
See how a gorilla saved a badly injured boy who fell into their enclosure
and finally...
Quote Of The Day!
You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been.
12:49 PM
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Day 6 of World Cup have just ended and it has certainly taken its toll on me. I am absoutely tired and I looked like a panda with my dark eye-rings growing rapidly. Here I am again not being able to sleep at 6am despite being so tired.
I was feeling rather happy for the past few days and so far, you could say that I've enjoyed my holidays. Meeting up with different friends, played many rounds of mahjongs, spending nights together watching soccer , caught a movie and so on and so on. I felt it was time to bring myself back down to earth.
I started to realise some things and that has brought my confidence down crashing to earth. Once again, I failed in many aspects that i could and should do better. It is a kind of situation where I am unsure whether to pull my hair out in frustration or laugh at my own guts. You gave me that virtual pat on the back and yet I failed. The only consolation I can get is that probably I never had any kind of confidence in these situations.
Frederick does not waste any time on anything or anybody that he is not interested about. The only thing that he still does is his studies as he have absoutely no choice! Once again, things that happened around me have proven this again. Anything that catches my interest, I will give 101%. I tried to think that maybe afterall, I've been fooling myself to make myself happy/self content but as days go by, no, I really don't think so. Trust me, i am dead serious.
As serious as I could be, I do not have a clue on what to do or rather what can i do next. It's the kind of feeling which reads "helpless." I hate to feel helpless and all I could do is to keep guessing and anticipate.
I am definitely better than others out there and I know it but very unfortunately, I am not able to show it and probably people will choose not to acknowledge it because of what i am.
There are some things which is inappropiate to mention here so probably that could cause some degree of confusion for readers who actually bothered to read through my entire post.
It's okay because i realised people nowadays look at the pictures that I uploaded and browsed through a little of what i wrote and that's it! hahahaha
3:44 PM
Saturday, June 12, 2010
As the curtain falls for the tests, the curtain rises for the 2010 World Cup finals in South Africa. Well well well, all in my mind was the World Cup while i was doing my paper. This is argubably sport's largest event of any kind. 4 years ago I still remember I was just a secondary school kid who skipped school to watch the finals and get a DC instead.
This is the money that police have recovered after breaking a Mexican drug cartel. This stack of money is even larger than my bed and yes, I definitely want to sleep on it.Finally, its time to relax without any guilt but good times don't last and just when you thought your tests are finally over, the next one is coming up in just less than 8 weeks.
2:25 AM
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Once again, it's been proven that if i have no interest or liking to something, nothing can motivate me to turn that around. Absoutely nothing.
I have the lost fire inside me to do well for my studies apparently. Life is a struggle. :(
Why all the things that I am studying have to be my weak points?
10:54 AM
Sunday, June 6, 2010
It's really funny to see different people affecting my life in diffrent aspects.
How can i let somebody which i have no liking to revolve around my life? How could I let that person infiltrate my life and affect me? It's time that I should show some hostility but I know not much. I don't like to be hold back when I am about to go all out but i know i can't in this situation. I can only say, do not affect the life of others when you screwed yours. It is a tragedy for a human when he/she have a problem and yet they do not have a single clue on what's the problem. Sometimes when I look at you, you are no longer living for yourself. That is an absolute shame.
I grew up in a family who literally teaches me how to gamble and of course, I like gambling.Well I mean its not a shame, out of 2 Singaporeans, you probably 1 who loves gambling. If not for my own thinking, I could have jolly well ended up with debts at such a young age. I love the thrill of gambling and i enjoy them. However, when it starts to affect my life and mood, its time to start thinking if i need professional help. Maybe its still not as serious as it seems because I still bet with caution and execute self control. Now the World Cup is coming, I am sure that i will be throwing money in because its the World Cup, its an event when people dies from it. Perhaps I am addicted to gambling because that is currently the only way I can prove to others that I am good. Haha, sad isin't it? Yes, sometimes i do laugh at myself.
Whatever it is, my ultimate dream is still strike gold in a Toto and 4D. Above all, I believe in a thing call destiny. In any way u can think about it, life is still a gamble.
There's one more thing affecting me but for now, it shall be kept as a golden secret.
11:49 AM
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
This is the Pigzha Hard meal I had with Yian Pingz Zeh Zeh and Kuan ee Kor Kor weeks earlier. Finally saw Pingz after so long and I also saw Rihui zeh zeh on the train before that so counted I saw everybuttie. It is always good to be catching up with friends you have not seen for a nong time but that's about that.It's been a long time since I felt this way but once again it is the feeling of uncertainty and probably fear. Just like in a war combat, I can only move in the dark to avoid being seen but sometimes, if you have to be seen, you will be seen. I am just afraid I might be doing too much to make myself to be seen.
I am looking forward to the near future but time is not with me. I believe in fate.
Labels: The best things in life are free
11:47 AM